True love is a phenomenon that has ‘n’ number of interpretations (Mind you, here ‘n’ tends to infinity). Nobody can define what exactly true love is, or even if it exists. If somebody tries to define it, there will be many agreements and disagreements. Bachelors and spinsters are mostly eager (knowingly, unknowingly, at some age) to join the bandwagon of married ones, to seek a more enriching life. Switch to the other side of the coin and you may end up observing married ones (not all but few, though the number of ‘few’ tends to be larger, with every passing day) grumbling about some or the other facets of their life. They feel locked up or rather suffocating with their significant half. Singles who believe in the controversial, ephemeral and modern-day concept of open relationships rejoice at the plight of broken marriages and offer their sympathy to those who live abiding by the rules of the hallowed institution called marriage.
Ponder with your full capacity (with a glass of chilled beer or a steamy cup of coffee especially on a rainy day) and you’ll end up with only one truth about the heavenly and highly rated concept of True love, that is – To each his own. What seems to be the so-called true love before a marriage tends to be an elusive search later (statistics validate my point as more than 50% of marriages in US, at present, end up in divorce). This doesn’t mean love wasn’t there. It all started with love but gradually it fades away as life’s challenges begin to creep in the relationship. Or both individuals come down to their most stable self, in their truest and most comfortable form, with all weaknesses, insecurities and imperfections. And divorce can’t be the single parameter judging if two people are in love or out of love. Divorce is a complex legal procedure and it has more than one reasons except for the stereotyped one – out of love. Besides lack of love (though, it is the major trigger factor) divorce has more financial and social reasons. In a society where individualism has been given great emphasis, it is not surprising to expect couples to split, even if there is a conflict in basic needs and opinions. After all, there are 6 billion plus people on this planet and options abound when it comes to the choice of a better individual than your current spouse.
So be it you or I, both probably don’t know what is true love and all the complexities associated to it. This again doesn’t mean, the concept of true love is non existent. The logical, apt and humane end to a love affair is a marriage. Marriage that lasts forever, with the same spark that it started with, is a mathematical proof of true love reaching its highest potential. Marriage is not necessary for those who love truly – so says one of my enthusiastic friend who believes that the next revolution in human society will be the concept of open relationships. No demands. No complains. No heart breaks. You need me. I need you. If either of us don’t need each other anymore, we call it quits. Simple theory, painless ideas. If only, it was so easy. Marriage as an institution has been fundamentally devised to keep the human society in peace and rule out the possibility of chaos. Imagine a society in which marriage is non existent and there are no laws or rules governing us! Anarchy may be the small word to describe the consequences of such a society.
So we come to the conclusion that we all are confused about what is true love (and that is what we are mostly seeking for). Of all that we desire in life, the need to be loved is the most fundamental and an honest wish. When all psychology and love books can’t answer all questions, we need to rethink about what we are already thinking – about love. When you rethink about true love, some of the following points, I feel, can help you.
- Forget about true love. Why the heck burden your mind with such heavy words!
- Always K.I.S.S. in a relationship or marriage (Keep it Simple Stupid!).
- Don’t get annoyingly serious. Keep the sense of humor alive.
- Forgive and forget. Probably, this is the most exaggerated statement we use while preaching about life. If you can understand it deeply (it may take years of realization) you will agree that it is a great way to let go of the traumatic past, if any.
- Take care of yourself physically. The spark needs to be maintained. ‘For-granted’ relationships come with the risk of losing the spark.
- Laugh together, it eases life.
- Mutual respect is essential.
- Learn to dream together. It creates excitement and strengthens future goals.
- Focus on her/his positives. Be aware of negatives but don’t negatively criticize.
- Care unconditionally.
- Keep your ego at bay. It isn’t healthy.
- Never take communication for granted.
- With age, relationships transform, intimacy seeks newer depths, has its own highs and lows. Accept it as a normal part of growing.
- Don’t blame your partner for your insecurities and failures.
- Have dinner together, whenever possible.
- Give plenty of space to your partner. Excess of love, in truest sense, is boredom, mind you.
- Plan out life, career, finances, life goals, kids and home. These are the true test of your potential as a great lover and a human being.
- There is a life beyond expectations and judgments. Try to live a day in a week when you simply accept people as they are.
- Hold hands. It works.
- An end doesn’t mean, you are wrong or the other person is wrong – it is just an end, for a new beginning.
- Be dedicated. Human commitment is a great virtue.
- Speaking is more important sometimes. An assumption that your spouse understands your silence can be wrong sometimes.
- No matter you are in love or without it – the Universe functions normally. It is only as good as you choose to make it.
- ‘Choice’ is a great factor in relationships. Irrespective of hundreds of trifles of lives that make you feel insane, you can rejoice on the fact that you have someone to talk and share simple pleasures of life.
- Saying ‘No’ is equally important as saying ‘Yes’.
- And so on and so more… To each his own. Devise your own definitions and meanings of true love. Align your love life with it! As simple as that!
So don’t you know all the above measures to make a relationship more healthier. Our problem is we know almost everything but execute very few of them. Very often, we don’t ‘choose’ with our heart. Even if we have ‘chosen’, we don’t feel proud of it or we don’t accept it to make a better life. The moment we start believing that ultimately, it is a human choice, we can be on the road to make things better around us. As Hunter Stockton Thompson puts it brilliantly, “A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance”. If you love, try loving like this. Will it work? We never know. To each his own. Try for yourself!! Dasvidaniya!!